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Assault

Friend: Assaults are bad.

Me: Now that you bring it up, I’ve been trying to hold this in for a long time, but….

Friend: What is it?

Me:Your face is an assault to my eyes.

Friend: YOU BITCH I THOUGHT WE SWORE TO NEVER BRING THAT UP AGAIN!!!!!!

Me: Well you brought it up so i thought maybe I could…

Friend: Could what? *pulls out ak-47*

Me: I thought i could remind you about how your face looks like shit (pulls out sub-machine gun)

Friend and I: *shoot at same time*

Me: HELL? Why the fuck are we in hell i was suppost to go to heaven 

Friend: well you deserve to be here you dick shit.

*Continues fight in hell*

thecoolestintheworld:

siphersaysstuff:

skillzyo:

so yeah

saw something on facebook that really pissed me off because I worked at McDonalds for three years. 

I wonder what percentage of people arguing against a minimum wage hike have never worked a fucking minimum-wage job in their life is.

Regardless of how unpleasant it is to work at McDonald’s, it doesn’t really require any skill or qualities. Sounds like you’re complaining rather than trying to justify why you should be paid $15 an hour.

myfandomsareinfinite:

totrytouchthesun:

sammyboner:

rhirules97:

Whenever I see this post all I think of is an AU where both of them are serial killers, and they’ve never met, but because they’re both on the news so often they know about each other and communicate through these security tapes. Their goals may be to kill each other but when they finally come face to face it doesn’t work like that at all.. 

OH MY GOD SOMEBODY WRITE IT

fuck

It exists btw

(Source: josiedokeh)

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